ma vie...

so here i am a Sunday afternoon. alone and writing my feelings down cuz i guess its better to write them down, it helps you say what i cant say to anyone else..
so... the fact is i never thought living so far from everything and everyone I've ever known would be so hard. i mean its been a blessing, but its also been a trial. i find myself missing the beach more then i miss my mom!! jaja!! i don't really know if that's wrong or not, but its the truth. no one really tells you how hard it is to make a living, how hard it is to face the world and say "here i am". no one really tells you or instructs you on how to do it.. i find myself loosing peoples trust, when i haven't given a reason for them not to trust me, i guess I'm all grown up now and people don't see me as a little girl any more. the truth is I'm still young, I'm still little in so many ways.. the fact is I'm feeling depressed cuz i miss my friends, cuz i didn't make the most out of high school, and cuz i wanna move back to Cali and that makes me feel like it wasn't worth coming even though i know it was cuz now i soooo value everyone and everything around me so much more! its a completely new outlook on life that i probably would have never discovered at home..
i wish GOD would tell me what to do, with out parables.. but its hard work that makes things worth while.. right?

my rights!!

i believe that i have the right to tell someone exactly how i feel... i should not have to pretend that everything is ok, or act like what someone does dont hurt me, if it does then i have the right to cry my heart out and tell that person how i feel!!!! im not going to pretend like everything is ok, cuz i am made of flesh and bones in case no one has realized. stupid theories tell girls to not let guys know when they have hurt us, cuz we apperently cant let them have that ego boost, ooh but when a girl does something wrong to a guy, all hell brakes loose! suddenly we are the bad guy and an absolutley unforgiveable witch. well news faaalaaash world, i dont care if someone sees my true feelings, mabey thats the problem, we bottle up to much. well im soo done with following stupid rules like those. i hope you all have a wonderful day.

As I open my eyes
I see
The danger thats right infront of me
No thought of love
happiness
or joy
just the thought of my great fall

i find my self in complete awe of the Lord.
everything about Him shakes my whole being.
how wonderful
what an imagination
what perfection
all in all im speechless
i want to YELL or SCREAM but then i find my self overwhelmed by everything God is.
if only there were enough words to describe
how beautifully he has created everything
from the smallest mosquito to the largest whale,
its really insane... my heart wants to jump out of my body and dance eternally in his presence
his fragrance.. everything,
im in complete awe of the Lord
God.... MY GOD... i love you... so much...