ma vie...

so here i am a Sunday afternoon. alone and writing my feelings down cuz i guess its better to write them down, it helps you say what i cant say to anyone else..
so... the fact is i never thought living so far from everything and everyone I've ever known would be so hard. i mean its been a blessing, but its also been a trial. i find myself missing the beach more then i miss my mom!! jaja!! i don't really know if that's wrong or not, but its the truth. no one really tells you how hard it is to make a living, how hard it is to face the world and say "here i am". no one really tells you or instructs you on how to do it.. i find myself loosing peoples trust, when i haven't given a reason for them not to trust me, i guess I'm all grown up now and people don't see me as a little girl any more. the truth is I'm still young, I'm still little in so many ways.. the fact is I'm feeling depressed cuz i miss my friends, cuz i didn't make the most out of high school, and cuz i wanna move back to Cali and that makes me feel like it wasn't worth coming even though i know it was cuz now i soooo value everyone and everything around me so much more! its a completely new outlook on life that i probably would have never discovered at home..
i wish GOD would tell me what to do, with out parables.. but its hard work that makes things worth while.. right?